Mentoring by its Parts

Chances are pretty good that you have some idea of the definition of "Mentoring" without my needing to start this article with a direct quote from Webster's finest book of words. Chances are also pretty good that no two of us would articulate it in quite the same way – that is perfect, and here’s why.

Mentoring is a relationship

If we start with the precept that 'Mentoring is a relationship', it would follow that just as no two personal relationships are exactly the same, no two mentoring relationships would perfectly match either.

Continuing that line of thought, good mentoring (substitute ‘relationships’) would include such qualities as mutual respect, trust, strong communication, problem solving, willing the good of the other, and thoughtfulness.

Reviewing that list of traits objectively might help us realize that mentorship is not a one-way-street of knowledge diffusion. It is a relationship that involves both parts.

Certainly one practical application of mentorship is the ‘master and apprentice’, but see how, even here, the master can will the good of the apprentice beyond what they can offer as specialized knowledge. It is not training or lecturing, it is mentoring. Understanding this dynamic is key to seeing ourselves in these roles.

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, they last varying amounts of time, and they are each unique. It is true that our strongest relationships do take time and commitment, but we have countless other relationships in our lives that take less invested time but are still positive. Said another way, the act of mentoring is scalable. Our best mentoring relationships will take time and commitment, but mentoring can be valuable when applied in smaller degrees too. We should not let the word “mentor” loom too large, it is but a title for a specific relationship that can be accessible to all.

Your perspective is valuable

You may think you do not qualify to be titled "Mentor" because you are not a subject matter expert or are not perfectly articulate in giving advice. To quote Dwight Schrute, “False”.

Many of us have a Yoda-like mental image of a mentor. While I know we all strive to be quirky, short, green characters, I would pose that we decouple the burden of ‘wisdom’ from our model of mentoring.

The requirement of ‘wisdom’ is too often an obstacle to seeing ourselves as mentors. Wisdom by its parts, however, is a very approachable way to think about mentoring. Most commonly, wisdom is defined as having a few key elements: Experience, Knowledge, and Good Judgement. It is easier for us to generate personal contributions on these elements than to wait for a brilliant piece of ‘wisdom’ by our own definition. We can speak to our own experience, we can share the knowledge we have, and we can reflect on our past judgements to understand which were good and which were not. A quote by author Austin Kleon that I find personally instructive and motivating is that "All advice is autobiographical".

Now we learn that, surprise! - by its parts, you have wisdom. The act of the mentor then, is to communicate those parts to the mentee thoughtfully and as they become relevant. To be a mentor simply requires you to start mentoring. You already have the wisdom-by-parts simply by unpacking your own experience.

There's no gatekeeper

Nobody is checking your life experience credentials. The most natural place to be a mentor is to those traversing a part of life you recently navigated yourself. You will have recent and relevant experiences to share and can brainstorm ideas together to situations that will readily return to your mind. Give it a try. Not all mentorships are deep and for a lifetime - allow yourself to start small, it will grow if it fits.

Exercise the muscle

Just like any skill or habit, we can think of mentoring as a muscle that needs exercise to be healthy. We cannot expect our mentoring muscle to perform with excellence if we only attempt to use it intentionally a few times a year.

To continue the muscle training analogy, we would do well to have a degree of structure to our mentoring as we start, and then branch off to strengthen the skill organically once we get more comfortable with it. Fortunately, the opportunities for structured forms of mentoring are abundant. Within our companies there are new-hire guides, early career mentorship programs, and organizational structures that lend themselves to formal mentoring. In our communities, there are programs that would love volunteers for an evening, a month, or a whole season. These opportunities are voluntary which makes them scalable on your terms.

Three thoughts to take with you:

1. Mentoring is a relationship - It is not merely a diffusion of knowledge from high concentration to low

2. Mentoring is approachable - All advice is autobiographical. Share your experience for the benefit of others

3. You need to practice - Just like a muscle, you need to exercise your mentoring abilities to hone and improve them

Do you have a second?

As we start fresh after a restful holiday season and an exhausting previous year, many of us are thinking about improving ourselves in 2021. Whether you approach that task with new year's resolutions, yearly themes, or annual goals, 'tis the season to try new ways to improve.

Long ago, in a time when coworkers scandalously sat less than 6 feet away, it was relatively easy to lean around or pop your head over a desk divider to ask a quick question. Now, however, with many still working or collaborating remotely, this simple action has been muddied by additional layers of nuance and social etiquette.

While a text chat fully explaining the question may get you your answer, it is often more effort to write it all out than it is to simply ask the now familiar question - "Do you have a second?" - and connect via phone or video call. Teeing up a 'Quick Question' is not rocket science, and this article is not intended to over-complicate the process. The following are a handful of ideas about asking questions remotely that have helped me and may help you. 

1. Understand that it is okay (and often expected) to ask questions.

• I think this mentality is a fundamental hurdle for early-career employees trying to prove themselves - or really, anyone with an ounce too much pride. I can't speak for every manager or work environment, but my experience has been that asking quality, thoughtful questions is always beneficial and other people have patience for far more questions than you think.

2. Write a draft and pause before sending.

• Use the act of articulating the question to think about it again and see if you can find any clarity or answer it yourself.

3. Give context in the request itself.

• Ask it as a more complete sentence, not just "Do you have a second" but "Do you have a second for a question about ___". Realize that your recipient (typically) is coming in cold to the mental space you are already in. Help frame the question and why the answer may not be obvious. Plus, it's like texting - nobody likes to get the text from a family member that simply says "call me" - tell them why.

4. Have at least one potential solution or idea to bring to the table. 

• This is a huge psychological differentiator for me. By providing a potential solution, you will likely feel better about having actually thought through the situation and the recipient will also better recognize and appreciate that you are not just asking them to do your work but relying on or requesting their valuable input.

5. Actually listen.

• The goal is not "never ask questions", but rather to "never ask the same question".

However you frame it for yourself, going in to the new year, I hope you resolve to keep learning. Asking questions is one step in that process. 

Don’t come up short with “Business as Usual”

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind for many reasons, but what has truly blown me away is the overwhelming positivity in the face of real and serious difficulty. I have read countless posts and articles about individuals finding unique silver linings despite having unfortunately lost work due to the economic situation surrounding COVID-19. Beyond just coping with the sudden hardships and challenges, they are updating resumes, learning new marketable skills, tackling side projects, hustling however they can, and generally working to better themselves. I applaud and admire their tenacity and wish them the absolute best of luck in their next chapters.

Those of us who are fortunate to be able to work from home during this upended time are moving past the initial logistical challenges of the transition and starting to get into somewhat familiar rhythms. So now I ask - what are we doing? How are we working to better ourselves and our organizations? How can we see this situation as positive too? Working from home is not without its own difficulties and demands (God bless the parents), but this is an opportunity for us as well.

If you look, there are many individuals already on this path of optimism. I see leaders practicing incredible foresight as they work to collect this unique cultural data and be better prepared for the future. I see young professionals offering to unpretentiously answer technology questions to an older workforce who suddenly find themselves more online than they have ever been. I see virtual learners and process optimizers capitalizing on their non-billable hours. I see office socialites reaching out digitally and making themselves available with intentionality to create a sense of community.

We aren't just hired to fulfill a bullet-point job description list; we are hired to add value. That certainly starts with the bullet-point list (do your work and do it excellently), but it shouldn't stop there - particularly not now. Look for creative ways to add value to your tasks, your teams, and your organizations. Seek opportunities to learn something new or reflect a little deeper (or at all). Crowd out bad habits by establishing good ones.

It would be a shame if we simply moved our work into our homes and didn't recognize this as an opportunity to grow. This could be an instigating point to reset, clean out the cobwebs, and start a serious personal overhaul. Don't just settle for a virtual version of 'business as usual' - this isn't usual. Make something of it.