Mentoring by its Parts
Chances are pretty good that you have some idea of the definition of "Mentoring" without my needing to start this article with a direct quote from Webster's finest book of words. Chances are also pretty good that no two of us would articulate it in quite the same way – that is perfect, and here’s why.
Mentoring is a relationship
If we start with the precept that 'Mentoring is a relationship', it would follow that just as no two personal relationships are exactly the same, no two mentoring relationships would perfectly match either.
Continuing that line of thought, good mentoring (substitute ‘relationships’) would include such qualities as mutual respect, trust, strong communication, problem solving, willing the good of the other, and thoughtfulness.
Reviewing that list of traits objectively might help us realize that mentorship is not a one-way-street of knowledge diffusion. It is a relationship that involves both parts.
Certainly one practical application of mentorship is the ‘master and apprentice’, but see how, even here, the master can will the good of the apprentice beyond what they can offer as specialized knowledge. It is not training or lecturing, it is mentoring. Understanding this dynamic is key to seeing ourselves in these roles.
Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, they last varying amounts of time, and they are each unique. It is true that our strongest relationships do take time and commitment, but we have countless other relationships in our lives that take less invested time but are still positive. Said another way, the act of mentoring is scalable. Our best mentoring relationships will take time and commitment, but mentoring can be valuable when applied in smaller degrees too. We should not let the word “mentor” loom too large, it is but a title for a specific relationship that can be accessible to all.
Your perspective is valuable
You may think you do not qualify to be titled "Mentor" because you are not a subject matter expert or are not perfectly articulate in giving advice. To quote Dwight Schrute, “False”.
Many of us have a Yoda-like mental image of a mentor. While I know we all strive to be quirky, short, green characters, I would pose that we decouple the burden of ‘wisdom’ from our model of mentoring.
The requirement of ‘wisdom’ is too often an obstacle to seeing ourselves as mentors. Wisdom by its parts, however, is a very approachable way to think about mentoring. Most commonly, wisdom is defined as having a few key elements: Experience, Knowledge, and Good Judgement. It is easier for us to generate personal contributions on these elements than to wait for a brilliant piece of ‘wisdom’ by our own definition. We can speak to our own experience, we can share the knowledge we have, and we can reflect on our past judgements to understand which were good and which were not. A quote by author Austin Kleon that I find personally instructive and motivating is that "All advice is autobiographical".
Now we learn that, surprise! - by its parts, you have wisdom. The act of the mentor then, is to communicate those parts to the mentee thoughtfully and as they become relevant. To be a mentor simply requires you to start mentoring. You already have the wisdom-by-parts simply by unpacking your own experience.
There's no gatekeeper
Nobody is checking your life experience credentials. The most natural place to be a mentor is to those traversing a part of life you recently navigated yourself. You will have recent and relevant experiences to share and can brainstorm ideas together to situations that will readily return to your mind. Give it a try. Not all mentorships are deep and for a lifetime - allow yourself to start small, it will grow if it fits.
Exercise the muscle
Just like any skill or habit, we can think of mentoring as a muscle that needs exercise to be healthy. We cannot expect our mentoring muscle to perform with excellence if we only attempt to use it intentionally a few times a year.
To continue the muscle training analogy, we would do well to have a degree of structure to our mentoring as we start, and then branch off to strengthen the skill organically once we get more comfortable with it. Fortunately, the opportunities for structured forms of mentoring are abundant. Within our companies there are new-hire guides, early career mentorship programs, and organizational structures that lend themselves to formal mentoring. In our communities, there are programs that would love volunteers for an evening, a month, or a whole season. These opportunities are voluntary which makes them scalable on your terms.
Three thoughts to take with you:
Mentoring is a relationship - It is not merely a diffusion of knowledge from high concentration to low
Mentoring is approachable - All advice is autobiographical. Share your experience for the benefit of others
You need to practice - Just like a muscle, you need to exercise your mentoring abilities to hone and improve them